


Texting with Gabriel

by archangelwithashotgun



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Background Dean/Castiel - Freeform, Bad Flirting, Dialogue-Only, Flirting, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Gabriel is a Tease, Human Gabriel, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Slash, M/M, Powerless Gabriel, Sam and Gabriel are dorks, Sam is completely clueless, Some Explicit Language, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 06:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6318298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archangelwithashotgun/pseuds/archangelwithashotgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I think our brothers are banging each other." </p>
<p>In which Dean and Castiel are together but won't admit it to anyone, and it becomes a mission for Sam and Gabriel to discreetly tease them about it via text messaging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Texting with Gabriel

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So this is my first SPN fanfiction, as well as my first Sabriel piece. It's text-dialogue only, bold is Sam, normal lettering is Gabriel. This is set in a universe where Gabriel is openly alive (little shit needs to come back to the show already) but without his grace. So he communicates via text messaging. Hope you all enjoy!

I think our brothers are banging each other.

**REALLY regretting giving you a phone and my number. Now I got water on my laptop.**

LOL

**Shut up.**

Okay moving on from your tragic woes and getting back to my original statement.

**Yeah about that. What the hell inspired you to come up with such a delusional conclusion?**

On the contrary, my fair moose. It's not that delusional.

**Oh really? On what grounds?**

On the grounds that Dean's room is right next to mine and the fucking wall is THUMPING.

**Yeesh. Sounds like he brought a girl home. Sucks for you.**

I'm hearing moaning.

**Ughh I really don't need any more details about my brother's sex life, thanks very much. I think I've heard and seen it all growing up.**

Do any of those experiences account for what sounds like a second man moaning alongside Dean? Or that said man is actually an angel because it sounds horrifically close to Castiel.

**You’re making this up.**

I’m really not. Head over to my room. Surprised you can’t hear it from where you are.

**I’d rather not.**

Oh come on, I’m telling the truth! I could even send you a clear mp3 file, they’re so loud.

**I think I’m going to ignore you and go to bed now. Good luck with listening to Dean’s sexcapades.**

Sam, I’m not making this up.

Sam?

::

**OH MY GOD**

I fucking told you!

**OH MY GOD**

Okay, you’ve had your freak out, so stop bringing my father into this. It’s icky.

**You weren’t lying.**

Yes, we’ve established that, do try and keep up. Repeat after me, Sammich.

Our brothers are making the beast with two backs.

They are dancing the horizontal tango.

Doing the NASTY.

**Gabriel, this isn’t funny!**

You’re right. It’s fucking hysterical.

**Gabriel.**

Okay, okay. So what happened? Did you walk in on them in the living room, library, what?

**Laundry room. Dryer.**

OH MY GOD

**Exactly! I ran out of there as fast as I could once I caught on to what was happening. Don’t think they saw me.**

Good. Cause now that we have confirmation that they’re an item, it’s time for Phase 2.

**There are phases? This already sounds bad.**

Yup. And Phase 2 includes making both our brothers gradually aware of our knowledge of their relations without outright telling them that we know.

**So basically you want to tease them and make them super uncomfortable.**

Pretty much.

**I stand corrected. This sounds extremely awful, and like an excellent way to get killed.**

So you’re on board.

**Why not? I gotta find some way to get back at Dean for forcing me to make a trip to town for five gallons of bleach.**

I knew there was I reason I liked you best, Samshine!

::

I’ve got them in the kitchen. Operation: Out Destiel is go.

**Are you serious with that codename?**

 It’s a good goddamn codename!

**Whatever. What are you planning on doing anyway?**

I just finished telling them of the odd banging noise I heard from the laundry room yesterday. I might have used a slight emphasis on “banging.”

**Oh jeez.**

Dean went as pale as the sheets he and Cas roll around in.

**Gabriel, I swear, one more out of you…**

Spoilsport.

**That’s your brother too!**

I never really understood the taboo humans placed on incestuous relationships.

**Moving on! Then what happened?**

That’s it for now. Just a light nudge to begin with. I want to drag this out, you know.

**Okay, we’ll leave it for now and pick it back up at a later date.**

Sounds good!

So what are you wearing?

**Okay, that’s all for me tonight.**

Prude.

::

Look at them. Could they be any more obvious?

**I’m literally sitting right next to you.**

Normally I’d be all for whispering like gossiping prepubescent girls as we plot our brothers’ demise in plain view of Dean, but I think this situation calls more a bit more discretion.

**How tactful and uncharacteristic of you.**

I will take that as a begrudging compliment.

**Anyway, yeah I see them. Do you have a barf bag?**

**I can’t believe you actually have a barf bag.**

You never know when it may come in handy. Especially now that Dean is staring at Cas like he’s his next bacon burger.

**Did you really have to do that?**

What? It was perfect! Did you see the way they jumped?

**I jumped too. You screamed. In my ear.**

We’re watching the bristling sexual tension of Sherlock and John on TV right now. Can you blame me for shouting “get a room”?

**You’re an ass. You’re also totally right.**

Another begrudging compliment taken, thank you.

**Don’t expect too much of them.**

Oh, so can I expect wholehearted compliments now?

**Fuck you.**

Well, if you insist.

Where are you going? Babe, come back to me.

Saaaaaaam.

::

I see London. I see France. I see Cas wearing Dean’s underpants.

**What?**

He’s coming out of the bathroom, just finished taking a shower.

**How can you even tell that they’re Dean’s?**

You can see him now. Can you not?

**Sadly, I can. I’ve had to wash them more than I care to admit.**

Ew.

**So how could you tell?**

I couldn’t. Took a wild guess.

**Of course you did.**

Unfortunately your brother doesn’t exactly embroider his name with rhinestones on the ass part to make it easier for me.

**Thanks for that image.**

Anytime!

Where did you go?

**Just went to talk to Dean for a sec. I mentioned that if Cas is taking to wearing his underwear, maybe we should make a trip to the store so that he has enough.**

Oh snap.

**I had to run outside once I left the room so I could laugh at the look on his face.**

I bet it was quite the masterpiece. Damn. Wish I had been there.

**I gotta admit, this whole Operation: Out Destiel thing is actually kinda fun.**

I could cry with how proud I am. I knew you’d come around!

**Yeah, who knew listening to you would be a good idea?**

You should listen to me more often. Especially in regards to my other suggestions ;)

**Don’t push it.**

A girl can dream.

::

**Ugh.**

What?

**Hickey. Back of neck, right side.**

Whoa.

Well, that settles the questions of who bottoms, doesn’t it?

**I could have gone my whole life without that information.**

No you couldn’t have.

**You’re right.**

**Did you really just give my brother foundation?**

Yup!

**Why?**

Because he’s worth it?

**Wow.**

Unclench, darling. Something’s gotta cover that big ol’ bruise. I like ribbing people for their nightly escapades as much as the next archangel, but that’s seriously a real eyesore. It hurts just to look at it.

**You’re telling me.**

Plus it was worth it to see his face go that hilarious shade of tomato red and run out of here stammering! He still had the damn bottle in his hand!

Yeesh.

**What?**

Just got another look at that hickey. Apparently Cas is a biter.

**Oh come on! I so didn’t need to know that either.**

They were deep too. Castiel really got in there.

**Stop. That.**

Whaaat? Got something against biting, Sam-I-Am?

**That’s not it!**

Oh, so you do like biting? Noted.

**You’re an infuriating little shit.**

Ohhh, stop. You’re making me blush.

::

Do you like it up the ass?

**There are about a million different ways I would have preferred to wake up than to that text. What the fuck is wrong with you?**

Just trying to satisfy a little inquiry of mine.

**Is this your way of asking me if I’m gay?**

Doesn’t have to be limited to gay, but whatever floats your boat.

**I don’t see how this is any of your business.**

Because, Samoose, I’m trying to HIT that.

**Don’t you have better things to do? What happened to the operation?**

It’s on a standstill for the moment cause of Cas’s impromptu trip to Oregon. So now I’m bored with nothing and no one to do.

**So you badger me to figure out if I’m gay.**

Like I said, not limited to. But this is in your interest as well as my own.

**What makes you think I’d be interested?**

Have you seen this hot bod? You know you want some.

**You’re impossible. Why do I still talk to you?**

Because I’m hilarious and you find me irresistible.

**Keep dreaming.**

Oh, most definitely. In HD.

**I hate you.**

Oh, you sweet talker, you.

::

**Where are you?**

Out restocking our fridge. Why?

**For your own safety, maybe you should stay out for a while longer.**

… What did you do?

**I didn’t do anything! Cas found the little “gift” you left him this morning.**

Ohhhh, I almost forgot about that!

**I thought we were trying to be subtle about this.**

Meh, I tend to go off script every now and then.

**Did you really get him a gag?**

It’s mutually beneficial all around! He and Dean can get as freaky as they want, and we won’t have to hear any of it.

And get it? I got him a “gag gift.”

**You are a complete goofball. Just make sure to steer clear until he calms down. You’re lucky he hasn’t told Dean.**

Aw, Sammy. Are you worried about me?

**Just stay away from the bunker, will you?**

Fine. Tsk, tsk. You’re a pushy bottom, aren’t you?

**All other objections put aside from that statement, what makes you think I’m a bottom?**

Bitch, please. I know a power bottom when I see one.

**As if.**

Preaching the gospel truth to you here, Sammy.

That ass was meant to be TAPPED.

**You know, I changed my mind. Don’t bother coming back today.**

Oh, COME ON.

::

**Cas just asked me what a Destiel was.**

OH NO. Please tell me what you told him.

**I told him to go ask Dean, and now I’m hiding in one of the rooms downstairs.**

Shit. Dean screams loud when he’s angry.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how loud he’s been on other occasions.

**Dude!**

Fine, touchy, touchy. What room are you in?

**Dungeon.**

You kinky son of a bitch. Want some company?

**Shut up.**

One of these days, Samshine.

::

I said I was sorry.

Sam?

Sam, come on.

TALK TO ME.

**What do you want me to say?**

I’m not sure now. I didn’t think I’d get this far.

Okay, seriously. Could you just come back? We should at least talk about this!

**No.**

Why the hell not?

**Because I’m too mortified to even face you right now.**

I heard my name, what else was I supposed to do?

**You barged into my room!**

Like I said, what else was I supposed to do?

**Fuck, just forget it!**

I’m sorry, okay? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about! Just come back will you?

Sammy?

SERIOUSLY?

::

Where did you go?

**Out.**

So we’ve resorted to one-worded texts as well?

**Yup.**

Sam, come on.

Fuck, you’re being childish.

**Pot, kettle.**

SAM.

**What do you want?**

I want you to come back and freaking talk to me!

**I don’t have anything to say to you.**

UGH. What exactly about this is difficult for you to talk about?

**This isn’t something I want to talk about in general, much less over text.**

You know what, TOUGH. Because you’re not talking to me, and I’m running out of options since I can’t even FIND your stubborn ass, I’ll do all the talking.

Yeah, I walked in on you and your hand having a grand old time, starring me as the object of your desire. You were getting your freak on to ME. We’ve established this. Let’s move on.

You keep running away from me, which I’m assuming is because maybe you’ve got it in your mind that I’m not interested or something equally dumb, and by doing so you’re fucking missing the obvious.

And that would be that all the flirting I’ve done over these past couple weeks we’ve been torturing our brothers? It was, though admittedly crude, all real.

I’m interested in YOU.

I want YOU.

And I actually LIKE your stupid, idiotic, moronic, stubbornly blind, self-sacrificing, STUPID self, and I’d really like for you to come back so that I can kiss that stupid mouth of yours and we can have hot and angry and loud sex.

And now I’m done. Do with that information what you will.

**You really meant all of it?**

Yes! For someone who went to college and spent his whole life hunting monsters with a critical need for perceptiveness, you can be amazingly dense.

So will you please come back?

**That depends.**

On what?

**On how quickly you can get yourself naked and ready on my bed in the minute it’ll take me to get back.**

Already on it, sweetheart.

::

Where are you?

**Groceries. Why, what’s up?**

I think we were a little loud yesterday.

**Didn’t notice. What makes you say that?**

Cas regifted my gag gift. Told me that we might need it more than him and Dean do.

**Fuck.**

**Well, not like he or Dean can talk, I suppose.**

I suppose you’re right.

So… what say we put this gag to good use tonight? Maybe you can show me how good of a bottom you are ;)

**Oh, I’ll show you bottom alright.**


End file.
